让招生官在10秒内就决定发offer的文书长什么样？
暑假要到啦，同学们都开始准备文书了吗？你的头发还好吗？
别急！多所院校公布了已录取学生的优秀文书，有的还贴心附带了招生老师的精彩点评，这有没有一点像你们班最厉害的学霸对你说：“我的作业，给你抄~”
准备申请的同学还不赶紧收藏了！
范文赏析
约翰霍普金大学公布了5届被录取学生的范文。
每篇范文后，还会附上老师的点评：
我们看一下其中一篇的文书——
Time to Spin the Wheel
For as long as I can remember, one of my favorite pastimes has been manipulating those tricky permutations of 26 letters to fill in that signature, bright green gridded board of Wheel of Fortune.
Every evening at precisely 6:30 p.m., my family and I unfailingly gather in our living room in anticipation of Pat Sajak’s cheerful announcement: “It’s time to spin the wheel!” And the game is afoot, our banter punctuated by the potential of either big rewards or even bigger bankruptcies: “She has to know that word—my goodness, why is she buying a vowel?!”
While a game like Wheel of Fortune is full of financial pitfalls, I wasn’t ever much interested in the money or new cars to be won.I found myself drawn to the letters and playful application of the English alphabet, the intricate units of language.
For instance, phrases like “I love you,” whose incredible emotion is quantized to a mere set of eight letters, never cease to amaze me. Whether it’s the definitive pang of a simple “I am” or an existential crisis posed by “Am I”,I recognized at a young age how letters and their order impact language.
Spelling bees were always my forte.I’ve always been able to visualize words and then verbally string individual consonants and vowels together. I may not have known the meaning of every word I spelled, I knew that soliloquy always pushed my buttons: that -quy ending was so bizarre yet memorable! And intaglio with its silent “g” just rolled off the tongue like cultured butter.
Eventually, letters assembled into greater and more complex words.
I was an avid reader early on, devouring book after book.From the Magic Treehouse series to the too real 1984, the distressing The Bell Jar, and Tagore’s quaint short stories, I accumulated an ocean of new words, some real (epitome, effervescence, apricity), and others fully fictitious (doubleplusgood), and collected all my favorites in a little journal, my Panoply of Words.
Add the fact that I was raised in a Bengali household and studied Spanish in high school for four years, and I was able to add other exotic words. Sinfin, zanahoria, katukutu, and churanto soon took their rightful places alongside my English favorites.
And yet, during this time of vocabulary enrichment, I never thought that Honors English and Biology had much in common. Imagine my surprise one night as a freshman as I was nonchalantly flipping through a science textbook. I came upon fascinating new terms: adiabatic, axiom, cotyledon, phalanges…and I couldn’t help but wonder why these non-literary, seemingly random words were drawing me in. These words had sharp syllables, were challenging to enunciate, and didn’t possess any particularly abstract meaning.
I was flummoxed, but curious…I kept reading.
“Air in engine quickly compressing…”
“Incontestable mathematical truth…”
“Fledgling leaf in an angiosperm…”
“Ossified bones of fingers and toes…
…and then it hit me. For all my interest in STEM classes, I never fully embraced the beauty of technical language, that words have the power to simultaneously communicate infinite ideas and sensations AND intricate relationships and complex processes.
Perhaps that’s whymy love of words has led me to a calling in science, an opportunity to better understand the parts that allow the world to function.At day’s end, it’s language that is perhaps the most important tool in scientific education, enabling us all to communicate new findings in a comprehensible manner, whether it be focused on minute atoms or vast galaxies.
It’s equal parts humbling and enthralling to think that I, Romila, might still have something to add to that scientific glossary, a little permutation of my own that may transcend some aspect of human understanding.Who knows, but I’m definitely game to give the wheel a spin, Pat, and see where it takes me…
■ 招生委员会点评：
Curtis把自己比作复调音乐来表达他是如何同时拥有多重身份的：音乐家、英国学者、电影制片人和贝克手等等。
我们不仅通过他的写作了解了他的性格，而且还了解到Curtis是什么样的学生——他是一个跨学科思考、有创造性抱负的人，以及一个想为社会做出贡献的人。
这些是我们作为一个院校所重视的品质；这篇文章帮助我们认识到他就是霍普金斯大学想要的人。
■ 阅读更多范文：
https://apply.jhu.edu/application-process/essays-that-worked/
康涅狄格学院公布了该校过去4年、大约20篇优秀的文书范文。
同时招办主任还给出了对于文书写作的建议：
美藤国际经过汇总，总结为以下几点：
1.及早开始，给自己预留足够的时间；
2.如果你觉得没有充分的人生经历，那么就写当下你认为重要的事情；如果你没有国际性规模的活动，那么就写一些对你意义非凡的事情；
3.你可以向你亲密的朋友寻求反馈，但要注意文书的书写掌握在自己的手中，不要让别人告诉你，你应该写一些什么。
■ 阅读更多范文：
https://www.conncoll.edu/admission/apply/essays-that-worked/
哈佛大学校报公布了10篇成功申请到哈佛大学的优秀范文。
除了原文之外，还会写上相应申请者的居住地、就读高中、性别、成绩、活动、奖项、专业等其他基本信息，最后会附上招生官对于文书的点评。
美藤国际摘录了其中一篇，供大家学习——
The summer after my freshman year, I found myself in an old classroom holding a blue dry erase-marker, realizing what should have been obvious: I had no idea how to be a teacher. As an active speech and debate competitor, I was chosen as a volunteer instructor for an elementary public speaking camp hosted by my high school. For the first time, I would have the opportunity to experience the classroom from the other side of the teacher’s desk. My responsibility was simple: in two weeks, take sixteen fifth graders and turn them into confident, persuasive speakers.
I walked into class the first morning,enthusiastically looking forward to the opportunity to share my knowledge, experiences, and stories. I was hoping for motivated kids, eager to learn, attentive to my every word.
Instead, I got Spencer, who thought class was a good time to train his basketball skills by tossing crumpled speeches into the trash can from afar. I got Monica, who refused to speak, and I got James, who didn’t understand the difference between “voice projection” and “screaming.” I got London, who enjoyed doodling on her desk with permanent marker, and I got Arnav, who thought I wouldn’t notice him playing Angry Birds all day. The only questions I got were “When’s lunch break?” and “Why are you giving us homework?” and the only time I got my students to raise their hands was when I asked “How many of you are only here because your parents forced you to?”
Just ten minutes into class, two things hit me: Spencer’s crumpled paper ball, and the realization that teaching washard.
When I was younger, I thought that a good teacher was one that gave high-fives after class. Later, of course, I knew it was far more complicated than that. I thought about teachers I admired and their memorable qualities. They were knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and inspiring. Their classes were always fun, and they always taught me something.
There was plenty I wanted to teach, from metaphors to logical fallacies. But most importantly, I wanted my students to enjoy public speaking, to love giving speeches as much as I did.And that’s when I realized the most important quality of my favorite teachers: passion.They loved their subject and passed that love on to their students. While it wouldn’t be easy, I wanted to do the same.
Every day for two weeks, I searched for creative ways to inspire and teach my students. I helped London speak on her love for art; I had Arnav debate about cell phone policies in schools. And by the end of the camp, I realized that my sixteen students all saw me not as a high school student, but as a teacher. I took their questions, shared my enthusiasm, and by the time camp was over, they weren’t just learning, but enjoying learning.
I was on the other side of the teacher’s desk, but I hadn’t stopped learning. Each day,I was learning how to communicate more effectively, how to deal with new challenges and circumstances, and how to be a better teacher.I once thought that being an adult meant knowing all the answers. But in reality, adults, even teachers, constantly have more to learn. I made the transition away from being a child during those weeks, but I did not and would not transition away from being a learner.
When class ended each afternoon, I would cap my blue dry-erase marker, give high-fives to the students as they walked out the door, and watch as their parents picked them up. I was confident that when my students were asked the inevitable questions of “Did you learn something today?” and “Did you have fun?” their answers would be a resounding yes. And even as their teacher, I learned and had fun too.
■ 招生委员会点评：
菲利普对主题的选择是经过深思熟虑的：他没用任何浮华的情节使我们眼花缭乱，也没有试图通过展示成就来让人感到震惊。相反，他选择了一个简单的成功故事——他与孩子们在公共演讲夏令营工作的经历，而这突出了他的个人成长。
故事有一个完整的主线，有明确的开头、中间和结尾。Phillip描述了一组独特的观点，这些观点描述了他短暂的教学生涯的每一个阶段，并细致地描述了每一个阶段的典型时刻。开头和结尾之间也相互关联（例如蓝色标记），让读者有一种终结感和满足感。
此外，菲利普在故事中语言运用的很好。他的幽默感是自然的，他能够让读者意识到他的积极品质，而不自吹自擂或故作姿态；他通过故事和主题向我们展示这些品质，而不是直接的干巴巴的强调。他的写作自信而清晰，紧紧围绕着主旨。
值得注意的是，即使菲利普的故事描述了一个获得成功的故事，但并不意味着一篇好的文书一定要是讲述你的成功经历。如果你试图编造一个成功的故事，你的故事会显得非常不真诚。其实你还可以在很多地方列出你的成就！
■阅读更多范文：
https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2018/
塔夫茨大学不仅公布了Common App里的文主文书，还公布了Why Tufts等附加文书范文。
■ 阅读更多范文：
https://admissions.tufts.edu/apply/advice/past-essays/
位于纽约州的著名文理学院——汉密尔顿学院公布了四届学生优秀的文书范文。分别是2007届、2008届、2012届和2022届，共30篇左右。
■ 阅读更多范文：
https://www.conncoll.edu/admission/apply/essays-that-worked/